


Different Ways To Say I Love You

by flipomatic



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project, Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-13
Updated: 2016-12-13
Packaged: 2018-09-08 06:46:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8834503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flipomatic/pseuds/flipomatic
Summary: Mari’s hands trembled slightly as she reached forward to place them on Kanan’s shoulders. “I’m worried about you.” She said in what she hoped was a gentle manner. “And I think practicing will help.”
“It won’t.” Kanan brushed Mari off, turning away from her friends. “Not right now.”





	

**Author's Note:**

> Author note: Read the title; it matters. Italics are Engrish.

Every day after school, Kanan met up with her friends at their clubroom. She formed the school idol group Aqours with them. They met up in the room to work on costumes and lyrics before heading outside to practice. The three of them had a concert coming up in a couple of weeks, which was at a huge venue in Tokyo. Every day the three first years practiced so they’d be ready to perform.

Kanan thought their practices had been going pretty well; they’d mastered all of the harmonies and choreography. Most days she led the group with gusto, but on this day, she couldn’t muster any energy. The reason why was her friend Mari.

During lunch, Kanan had gone to look for Mari, only to find her in the staff room. She was about to knock, but something deep inside told her to listen instead. She pressed her back against the wall, eavesdropping on the pair in the room.

Kanan heard each word exchanged, her eyes narrowing as the sentences flowed. Mari wasn’t going to study abroad because of Aqours. That was… surprising. Kanan was still trying to process the idea when she heard footsteps approaching from the room. She pushed off the wall and scurried away, not eager to be caught by her friend.

When Kanan stumbled back into her classroom, Dia eagerly asked if she found Mari. She shook her head no, it was easier to lie, and sank down into her seat. Dia watched with her head tilted as Kanan pulled out her lunch and slowly unwrapped it.

Was Mari really turning down opportunities because of Aqours, Kanan asked herself. She wouldn’t believe it if she hadn’t seen it for herself. As much fun as Aqours was, Mari shouldn’t’ve let it interfere with her future. It really bothered Kanan that Mari was just accepting it and staying in Uchiura.

There was some comfort in the fact that Kanan might’ve misheard the conversation. Maybe Mari wasn’t actually turning down amazing educational opportunities for a small school idol group. She decided to talk to Mari about it later, and nodded once in confirmation.

“Is everything ok?” Dia snapped Kanan out of her thoughts. She’d been staring the whole time as Kanan pondered her dilemma.

Kanan smiled reassuringly at her friend. Yeah, I think so.” She held the grin as Dia narrowed her eyes in suspicion. After a moment, the other first year huffed, returning to her lunch with a frown. Kanan let out a sigh of relief as she did the same; she didn’t want to worry Dia too much.

She tried to focus as the day went on, but her mind kept returning to the staff lounge and the conversation she overheard. It messed her up during class, and it broke her focus at practice. Dia and Mari were kind enough not to point out her obvious mistakes.

At the end of practice, as they were getting ready to head back to the club room, Kanan made her move.

“Mari.” She called to the blonde girl. “Do you have a minute to talk?”

Mari responded without hesitation. “Of course!”

Kanan turned back to Dia. “We’ll meet you back at the clubroom.” Dia hesitated, looking between the two of them slowly. She opened her mouth as if to protest, but snapped it shut a second later. One head shake indicated that she didn’t want to, but she cooperated anyway. As Dia walked away, Mari sidled over to Kanan.

“ _What’s up_?” Mari’s amber eyes sparkled in the sunlight.

Kanan skipped the small talk and jumped straight to the heart of the issue. **“You should go study abroad.”** So much for asking, she scolded herself internally, maybe it would be better this way.

Mari looked confused. “What do you mean?”

“You’ve gotten offers to study outside of Japan, right?” Kanan pressed the subject with a small frown.

Mari gave a small nod. “Yeah, but I turned them down.” She shrugged nonchalantly.

“You should to it.” Kanan knew that Mari would get a much better education abroad than she would in this small ocean town. “For your future.”

“Nah.” Mari gave an ok sign with her right hand. “I want to stay here, for Aqours.” She grinned down at Kanan. “We have to save the school, don’t we?” Kanan clenched her teeth at the refusal, but still nodded in response. “Let’s go catch up with Dia.” Mari intertwined one arm with Kanan’s. “She must be getting anxious all alone in there.”

As the pair walked along, Kanan thought about how this wasn’t done yet. She couldn’t just let Mari throw away her future over Aqours.

Something needed to be done.

* * *

Mari stared out the window as the train rolled through the trees. The ride back from Tokyo felt like it was taking twice as long as the trip out.

Kanan sat to her left, with Dia across from them. Kanan leaned forward in her seat, resting her head on her hands. Mari ran a hand over her puffy eyes, fighting the urge to start crying again. Their performance couldn’t have gone any worse. Mari’s ankle throbbed as she thought about the painful experience.

First, she twisted her ankle, but that wasn’t the worst part. Kanan, her dear friend Kanan, couldn’t find her voice on stage. The audience had all but booed them off. Currently, they were slinking back to Uchiura, metaphorical tails between their legs.

Somehow, Dia managed to take a nap. For Mari, it wasn’t possible. Not with Kanan looking so miserable right next to her. She knew she should do something, but all Mari had done so far was cry. After a few more minutes, she mustered her courage.

“Kanan.” She called softly, but the other girl didn’t move. “Are you ok?” Kind of a generic question, but it needed to be asked.

“I guess.” Mari could barely hear Kanan’s response as she leaned towards the slumped girl.

“We can pull through this.” Mari draped one arm over Kanan in a pseudo hug, trying give the girl some comfort. **“I know you’re strong enough to move past this.”**

Kanan shifted under her arm, sitting up slightly, and Mari felt warmth rising in her chest. Maybe Kanan was already feeling a bit better.

“Just leave me alone.” Kanan’s purple eyes were dull when she turned to look at Mari, proving the other teen wrong. “Please.” Mari’s heart pulsed painfully in time with her foot as she removed her arm from Kanan’s shoulders.

“Sure, ok.” She tried to keep the tears from returning to her eyes. “If you want to talk just.” Mari swallowed once. “Just let me know.” She turned back to the window, resting her forehead against the cool surface. She ignored the water tracks on her side of the glass.

Well, Mari thought to herself, that could’ve gone better. Maybe Kanan would be more receptive when they arrived back home. Hopefully she’d cheer up in time for their next practice. If Kanan practiced well, Mari would sure it would help build her confidence again. Mari truly believed that her friend could do anything she put her mind to.

All she had to do was make sure Kanan believed it too.

* * *

As it turned out, the group didn’t practice for a while. Kanan declared a two week break for Mari’s ankle to heal, since that was why she threw the show in the first place.

Even though they weren’t having practice, she still kept an eye on Mari’s ankle. She’d sprained it pretty badly in Tokyo, and still insisted on walking around with it bandaged. She wouldn’t even use the walking stick Kanan offered her. Mari insisted that powering through her injuries was part of being a good school idol, but Kanan thought it was stupid.

About a week after the incident, the three friends were eating lunch in the classroom as usual. They pulled their desks together in a small circle to talk while they ate.

“So next week we’ll practice again.” Mari gestured with her chopsticks as she spoke. “We have a lot of ground to make up if we’re going to win Love Live!”

Kanan grimaced, wondering why Mari cared so much about winning Love Live right now, and fidgeted with her food. “We’ll see.” She muttered, before bringing her voice up. **“How is your ankle feeling?”**

Mari gave a thumbs up and grinned. “All healed!” She announced loudly.

“Oh really?” Dia sounded skeptical. “Can you stand on it now?” She raised one eyebrow, a sentiment Kanan agreed with.

“I’ll do better than that!” Mari clambered to her feet. “I can jump on it!” She lifted her good foot into the air, and gave one small hop. Kanan watched the blood drained from her face as she winced in pain. “S-see.” She stuttered, slowly lowering her good foot back to the ground. “A-all healed.” She collapsed back into her seat dramatically.

Kanan shook her head. “I still think it needs more time, and I’m pretty sure a doctor would agree with me.” She smiled softly at Mari’s pouty expression, and the other girl didn’t argue.

That was good, since Kanan wasn’t sure if they were ever going to start practicing again. She wasn’t one hundred percent sure yet, but she planned to talk with Dia about disbanding the group.

Without Aqours, Mari would be free to go get an education abroad. All Aqours was doing was holding her back and injuring her.

Their failure in Tokyo would make it easy to disband, though Kanan’s heart panged at the thought. She loved being in Aqours so much, and she loved spending time with her friends, but Mari’s future had to come first.

* * *

To say Mari was worried would’ve been an understatement. She was losing her mind with concern for her friend Kanan. Despite Mari’s attempts to resume practice and boost Kanan’s self-esteem, the other teen continued to wallow on her stage fright. She wouldn’t even talk about what happened, and she seemed to be bottling all of it up.

Today would be different, Mari told herself. Her ankle was finally healed, so Kanan wouldn’t have any more excuses to avoid practicing. Mari approached her two friends at the end of the day to breach the subject.

“Kanan! Dia!” She called their names excitedly. “Look!” Mari spun on her now healed ankle to emphasize her point. “I’m all better, so we should practice today!” She expected Kanan’s eyes to light up, and for the girl to maybe even come in for a hug.

That didn’t happen.

Kanan tilted her face towards the ground. “I’m glad, but I can’t practice today.”

Mari felt like she was crashing down to earth. “ _What?_ If we don’t practice, we won’t be able to win Love Live.” Also, she added in her mind, you won’t regain your confidence.

“I can’t.” Kanan insisted quietly. “I’m sorry.”

Mari’s hands trembled slightly as she reached forward to place them on Kanan’s shoulders. **“I’m worried about you.”** She said in what she hoped was a gentle manner. “And I think practicing will help.”

“It won’t.” Kanan brushed Mari off, turning away from her friends. “Not right now.”

“Kanan…” Dia cut in, but only with the other girls name.

“I’ll see you both tomorrow.” Kanan stepped away from the group and exited out into the rest of the school, leaving Mari and Dia behind.

 Mari outstretched one hand as if to pull her back, somehow feeling like her friend was slipping between her fingertips. Her hand closed on nothing but air, and she fought off the familiar feeling of tears.

* * *

Kanan did it; she succeeded at convincing Mari to study abroad. She’d worked so hard for this, so why did it feel so awful?

A few weeks before the end of the school year, Mari announced that she was leaving. Since Aqours had disbanded, and there was no way for them to win anything, she decided to go. That was exactly what Kanan wanted. Now, Mari was going to get a good education and have a better future.

It hurt.

The day Mari was set to leave, the three former idols took a boat out to the island one last time. Mari was going to head out by helicopter, and Dia and Kanan wanted to bid her farewell. Kanan even brought the flashlight she usually signaled Mari’s balcony with. The three stood on the boat in relative silence while Kanan wrangled with her own decisions.

“So this is it.” Dia commented hollowly, not making eye contact with either of her friends. Kanan had brought her in on the plan, but Dia was a reluctant participant.

“I’m going to miss both of you so much!” Despite the sadness in her voice, Mari still managed to smile.

Kanan couldn’t help but smile as well as she felt compelled to say. **“I won’t ever forget you.”**

Mari stared at her for a long moment, but was able to recover. “Don’t be silly!” She winked. “I’ll be back to visit before you know it.” Kanan’s heart skipped a beat at the gesture. She didn’t know how to respond, and allowed the conversation to die out.

Once the trio arrived on the island, Kanan shared one last hug with Mari. She committed the feeling to memory, wanting to cherish it always.

Her arms felt cold as Mari climbed into the helicopter, and colder still as she flashed the light up at it.

After a moment, the helicopter flew away and the sound of engines faded, leaving Kanan and Dia to return home.

It hurt, but she was prepared to deal with it.

* * *

When Mari heard that a new school idol group formed at her old school, she just couldn’t help herself. Finally, after all this time, she could help Kanan. This was the chance she’d been waiting for.

The first thing she did was convince her parents to hand over the school to her. It was surprisingly easy. Next, she flew back to Japan and got to work.

Mari set some goals for the new group, which they met spectacularly. She spent some time teasing Dia and made a visit to Kanan’s diving shop. It was a huge surprise to find out that Kanan was no longer attending high school. Her first attempt to convince Kanan to come back and be a school idol with her ended with Kanan yelling at her. For her second attempt, she decided to leave school idols out of it.

It happened almost by accident. Mari was out window shopping when she spotted Kanan across the road at a hardware store. The girl was inside, close to one of the windows, deliberating which hammer to buy. Mari watched her try out a few different ones, probably testing the balance of them.

As if she could feel the weight of the amber gaze upon her, Kanan turned slowly to meet Mari’s eyes. As soon as they made eye contact, Kanan abruptly broke it and vanished away from the store window.

Mari quickly hopped across the street and waited discreetly by the hardware shop door for Kanan to emerge. After a few excruciating minutes, the other girl appeared. She saw Mari waiting, narrowed her eyes, and set off immediately in the opposite direction.

Mari wasn’t going to let that deter her. She followed in pursuit, quickly closing the distance between herself and her friend. One leap forward was all it took for Mari to engulf Kanan in an all-encompassing hug. She wrapped her arms around Kanan’s waist, breathing in the nostalgic smell of lavender shampoo.

“Mari.” Though Mari couldn’t see her face, Kanan sounded annoyed. “Let me go!” She pulled the clinging arms of, spinning to escape Mari’s grasp.

“You know you love my hugs!” Mari forced the corners of her lips up into a smile.

“I have errands to run.” Kanan lifted her shopping bag slightly. “Bye.”

She turned to continue shopping, but Mari stopped her. “Wait!” Kanan hesitated as she cleared her throat to keep her voice from cracking strangely. **“Please come back to school.”**

“I can’t.” Didn’t that sound familiar. “Not until my dad’s leg heals.” This time, when Kanan started walking she didn’t stop. Mari watched her go, sighing internally at her inability to help her friend. It looked like Kanan was still hurting about what happened in their first year.

Oh well, third times the charm, she guessed.

* * *

Every morning, Kanan went for a run. She’d been running the same route every day for almost seven years, so it was no surprise that Mari knew she ran by the shrine. Still, she hadn’t been expecting the other teen to actually show up there.

When she heard the clapping, her heart sank in her chest. Of course Mari was there. The brief conversation that followed didn’t help matters. Mari thought she understood what was going on, but she was wrong. Kanan wasn’t going to school because she needed to help out at the shop, and that was all there was to it.

Why was Mari pushing for this so hard anyway? It wasn’t like their old group was in any position to reunite. Winning Love Live was so far out of the picture now; Mari’s motives didn’t make sense. Kanan just wanted her to go study.

**“I don’t want to see your face again.”** Was the final nail Kanan was trying to drive home. She didn’t add, it’s for your own good, or, you clearly deserve better than this, or, why are you throwing your life away? Instead she walked away, and insisted she wasn’t running.

Kanan passed Chika and You’s new idol group on the way down, but didn’t think anything of it. She stopped about halfway down to sit on the steps and just think.

Everything had been going fine, until Mari came back. Sure, she hadn’t attended school in a while, but the diving shop was doing well and she was just fine. She could still graduate, though it would take a little extra time. Maybe she got lonely sometimes, but that was what happened when you spent all day in the sea.

All she wanted was for Mari to leave and finish her education, so she could live her life to its fullest.

Was that too much to ask?

* * *

As Mari traced her fingers over the faded text of Mijuku Dreamer, she pretended that the water on the floor came only from the pouring rain. She’d cried over Kanan so many times, why should she do so again?

That thought didn’t stop the tears. How could Kanan have done this? Why didn’t she just say something? She looked down at her hands, and wondered how things would’ve changed if she’d stopped Kanan two years ago. If she’d insisted more strongly about Love Live, would things have changed?

No, Mari decided. The only way she could’ve changed things was by telling Kanan how she really felt. It wasn’t about Love Live at all, but about Kanan’s well-being and their friendship. Though she couldn’t go back and fix it as first years, she could do it now. She needed to tell Kanan the whole story.

An appearance by the real deal cut off Mari’s thoughts. Words were exchanged, along with a slap.

**“Don’t take my feelings lightly**!” Came through the tears. She offered Kanan a slap in return, for her own communication woes, but received a hug instead.

Despite being soaked to the bone, Kanan felt warm. Her arms encompassed Mari completely, shielding her from the cold of the world. The two cried together, leaning in for support. They stayed there for a few minutes, waiting until the flow of tears ebbed.

“Do you want to be a school idol with me?” Kanan asked, shifting her arms tighter around Mari. “I won’t let go until you say yes.”

“I guess I’ll have to stay here forever then.” Mari winked with a watery grin. “It’s joke! Of course I’ll join you.” The pair transitioned reluctantly from hugging to holding hands, slowly walking out of the school together. The storm had cleared up, leaving only blue skies ahead.

The next day, they officially joined Aqours.

On their first day, Mari suggested a new song.

* * *

Kanan genuinely enjoyed Aqours practice, which she hadn’t done in a long while. The new Aqours, as it turned out, practiced on the roof. Kanan hadn’t been up there in her previous years at the school, but she found the prospect exciting. The girls danced across the roof daily, and Kanan couldn’t help but get caught up in the fervor.

In the group, she was responsible for helping with lyrics, since she wrote them for the original Aqours. Dia helped with choreography, while Mari worked with You on costumes. She brought flair to the designs, giving them a personal Mari touch.

It was all an amazing change for Kanan.

The younger teens still segmented their practice for small group time, so after the first part they would all meet on the roof. Kanan went ahead of the other lyrics crew members, Chika and Hanamaru, to make sure the door was unlocked.

She found Mari already up there.

“Mari.” Kanan couldn’t help but say as she stepped out into the sunlight. “What’re you doing up here?”

“Just thinking about how things have changed.” Mari sounded surprisingly pensive as she stared off into the distance.

“Yeah.” Kanan approached her, telling herself now probably wasn’t a good time to ask for a hug. “It’s been a wild year.” The pair looked out over the outside of the school.

“That’s one way to put it.” Mari made a little heart with her hands, holding it out in front of her. “We’ve really gone _full circle_.” Kanan didn’t know what that meant, but she nodded anyway as Mari turned to look down at her.

**“I’m glad we’re together again.”** Kanan wondered if Mari’s eyes had always shined so brightly. She was about to ask, when the roof door slammed open.

“So it was unlocked.” Chika mused from the doorway as Kanan flinched away from Mari as if struck. “Everybody!” Chika called back into the building. “Come on up!”

As Aqours members poured out onto the roof, the moment was completely lost. Before Kanan could step away, she felt Mari’s hand take her own.

**“I’m glad too.”** Kanan’s cheeks flushed inexplicably as Mari squeezed her hand once, and winked.


End file.
